It's not easy being green...

But boy is it worth it!

So, this pregnancy is kicking my bum! I am pretty much constantly nauseous with spotty vomiting and total exhaustion. The only thing keeping it at bay is a constant stream of carbohydrates. I was so shocked to learn at today's appointment that I have not gained weight. This is a minor miracle, because let me tell you, health food is not in my repertoire right now.

This morning none of that mattered. We had our last ultrasound with our RE. It was perfect. The little heart was beating away and the little buggabean was actually moving around. I may have cried a smidgen. I cannot believe it.

The RE is sending our charts to my new OB. When we were discussing this, it hit me. They think this is going to work. They think I won't need them anymore. People with medical degrees think this baby is going to stick around. I am Euphoric.

Thanks for all of you who have been following this. Your support and comments have helped so much. Knowing there are so many others who have been through the same things has really made me feel less alone. I will certainly keep updating this, but I don't really want to make it a pregnancy blog, because I would hate to add to the sadness of someone who stumbles here with a similar problem.

Well Hello!

See that little bean in the upper left. That is our little buggabean! His or her little heart was beating away. They had to show me the heartbeat twice because I was crying so hard I missed it the first time. My RE said everything was perfect. He said he felt comfortable releasing me to a normal OB now, but said I could come back one more time if it would make me more comfy. So, we get to see the buggabean again in two weeks.

Thanks so much for all the thoughts and prayers. Please keep them coming! I am in a happy shock!

Just hanging out... And running to the bathroom every 15 seconds.

I am not very nauseous today, which of course freaks me out. I am trying very hard to be calm and confident, but those of you that know me personally know that calm isn't my bag.

Fortunately this week has been chaotic with photo shoots and vacay prep. So, there hasn't been much time to stress.

We leave soon for the mountains. Our dog, Chumley is already pouting about the dog sitter coming. You'd think a pit/rott/lab mix would handle such things better. It should be a fun and relaxing trip. We are all ready to do lots of potty training induced laundry and watch copious amounts of Elmo: Potty Time.

If all goes well, we are going to take her to the local (lame) amusement park at the end of the week. It should be a blast! We hope to sneak in some hiking too. The plan is to get through the week happily so I can see what the future holds at my ultrasound on the 27th.

It's funny one minute I am thinking of all the things that are different this time. All the life changes I have made, all the health changes, why this should work. The next minute I am running to the bathroom sure I will see blood. I guess that is just par for the course. I just need to enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts.

We have a sac!

And it's in my uterus! Can you believe it! Everything is exactly where it should be for 4 weeks 5 days. I am praying and praying it will stay that way.

The next ultrasound is in two weeks to hopefully see the heartbeat. This will be perfect because we are going to the mountains next week for a potty training vacay. Aka, bribing our two year old with a trip to the local amusement park if she can make it into panties while we are there. So, between getting ready for the trip, the two photo shoots I have this week, and the trip itself; I should have lots and lots of distraction before the big day.

I have spent a lot of time crying today. I am so happy but just so so so scared. I am worried that I am starting to get excited. I'm worried about it all going away again. I am just worried, but happy.

Doubled!

Today's beta, at 14dpo, was 201!!!! Yay!

Laney and I left right after it for a planned long weekend at the
beach with my mom.

The RE was not pleased that I had left town. Apparently, due to the
two early losses and my csection, I am at risk for an ectopic. They
typically would monitor me every other day until the beta hits 2000.
Since my numbers "are doubling so beautifully," they said I could wait
and have an ultrasound Monday. Wonder what can even be seen that early.

Still cautiously excited!!!!

Beta #1

HCG: 79 Progesterone: 31 (nurse said this was good for 12dpo)

After a brief stint of euphoria, I am cautiously optimistic. I'll know by noon tomorrow if they doubled.

Shhh... I've got a secret.

If you know me in real life as opposed to just via this blog, please keep the following to yourself until you see an ultrasound posted here. I don't want a congrats or hug when I run into you just in case my world comes crashing down this time too. I don't want to have to untell people.

However, since this is an infertility blog, you guys have the right to know that this morning sticks were peed on and lines popped up. I am heartened that they seemed darker than with my losses, and I am hopeful that blood tests in the coming days will show doubling.

If you pray, say a prayer that this is our bambino that is meant to be born healthy and happy. IF you want to throw in something about my keeping my shiz together in the coming days that might be good too.